On a far lighter note,
This made me laugh.

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
--Emo Phillips

  ¶ 10:55 p.m. 0 comments

  Dear The United States,
Please keep your irrational, hateful and stupid war on some, but not all, drugs OUT OF MY COUNTRY.

Hugs and kisses,
crowe

(Argh, this pisses me off. I suppose I'm not entirely surprised, but it's still dumb. Not only is it bad enough that the DEA is opposed to the citizens of its own country, but now it has decided to start enforcing their laws everywhere else, too. Now they've managed to get Canadian police to hand over a Canadian citizen to face far more draconian and intolerant laws down south.

What pisses me off the most is that most people will turn a blind eye to this on account of it's that gosh-darned pot again. Nobody's willing to say "wait a second, why are we letting other countries abduct our citizens?" Instead, it'll be "tsk, tsk, that's what that man gets for getting involved with drugs."

What happens if the States pass a law prohibiting homosexuality and start abducting Canadian gays for conspiracy to promote homosexuality or something equally asinine? What happens when Canada starts developing her own, unique identity that may not agree with what America believes?

Or are we just supposed to become the good little 51st state and roll over on command?

RAGH. I'm stopping now. Too angry.)  ¶ 10:42 p.m. 0 comments

  Oh my.
Again.

The last time I used this subject title was for the Flybar, a pogo stick of epic proportions that I claimed would be a test of will for me not to purchase, and then promptly forgot about within two days.

This latest usage is probably similar, being something immensely cool that I will dismiss within a short time. Ladies and gentlemen, I present KegBot.

It's a ROBOT that serves BEER. As long as it doesn't go crazy and kill all hu-mons or EX-TERMI-NATE!!! all shall be well.

I want one.  ¶ 10:34 p.m. 0 comments

  Ooooh! TOYS!
I saw a number of cool things today, most of which I would own had I the disposable funds. Being lazy, I will offer only the briefest descriptions and a link.

Wall-mounted fish bowl.

Titanium wallet!

The twisted love child of a Disc*Gear and a Furby.

That is all. Resume your lives.  ¶ 7:08 p.m. 0 comments

  Well crap
This puts a real dent in my track record of bashing the N-Gage.

"Stop talking to your calculator!"

"Get some real games!"

"Don't change the game--you might lose your battery!"

They have Settlers of Catan. Like, WTF. How dare they go aquire the rights for one of the best games EVER and put it on such a crappy system!

PSP coders out there, you have a new mission. BRING ME SETTLERS!  ¶ 6:32 p.m. 0 comments

  You can't see me
But I have my arms raised in victory, dancing in mad joy for several reasons. First, is that Becca, my PSP, has just learned some new tricks and I am very proud of her for this.

Trick 1: E-Lit. While I would love to own a full set of the Invisibles trades in print, to read again and again, and to gentle stroke with my eyes closed imagining that it is Grant Morrison's smooth scalp, I don't. I do, however, have a set of rips that I found on BitTorrent a few years back and flipped through over the same amount of time. I have now taught Becca the magic of being able to use her photo-viewing ability in tandem with some software called PaperlessPrinter that can print files to jpegs. Now I can read anything that can be printed as an e-book, and that includes the Invisibles. Issues 1 through 4 begin tomorrow on my way to the job where I shall earn the money to legitimately buy this magnificent series.

Trick 2: Emulation. Becca now has multiple personality disorder as a lifestyle choice. She is a Gameboy as well as a PSP now, capable of delivering maximum Final Fantasy Adventure joy to me, as well as some Metroid 2, a little Bionic Commando and perhaps some Legend of Zelda on the side. She will eventually adopt a Super Nintendo personality once it becomes less retardulously sluggish. None of these games are legal, but in my defence, Nintendo would not be seeing a cent even if I did manage to purchase the game since they are all out of production to my knowledge.

So that's the two big ones. E-books and emulators. The other fancy one is that I am signed up with RUSC.com and am now enjoying Abbott and Costello, The Shadow, X-1, Lux Radio Theatre and The Green Hornet as mp3s. Like Eric Burns said, it's SO worth the price of admission. Also, I have this strange urge to heat my home with anthrocite and to smoke Camels...

Ahem. Hurray for trickses!

(Also, I am aware that I have not done anything with my podcast site in a long time. I have intentions to remedy this, but nothing definite yet. At any rate, it will be different. Watch this space. Or that one. Whatever.)  ¶ 10:07 p.m. 0 comments

  HAGAALAHAGAHGLAGHAGHAGHAG
It's like the Time Cube, but... stranger! I am at a loss.  ¶ 6:31 p.m. 0 comments

  My mind is blown, yet again
Scott McCloud, deity of comicry, mentions that he goes to Comic-Con and has lunch with a bunch of other prominent webcomic folks, his family, and oh, Will Wright. There are some other Comic-Con pics in there, but it's that last bit, tossed in like one would toss some croutons on a salad on a whim that gets me.

Will Wright, people. Just, y'know, cuz.

This is why I could never handle celebrity status. I'm too much of a psycho-fan and would fall to pieces upon meeting anyone who's anyone.  ¶ 7:56 p.m. 0 comments

  Yet more PSP love
Finally! Some decent games coming to my handheld! (Well, one at least.)

Worms!

THQ and European development studio Team 17 have revealed that the two companies are working together to produce versions of Worms for the Nintendo DS and PlayStation Portable.

The announcement made today remained extremely vague on details, only offering the revelation that the PSP and Nintendo DS games were in development. When the games will be released, which versions of Worms the two systems will get, were not revealed.

(via Evil Avatar)

Fortunately, the screenshots shown are for one of the 2D versions of the games, and not the suck-ass-tastic 3D one. Worms Armageddon was the best of the series, so let's hope it's that one.

Diablo 2?!

Blizzard ask readers if they would buy a PSP or DS version of Diablo II if a wireless enabled multiplayer mode was included.

Rumours that a handheld port of Blizzard's Diablo II is in the works have emerged after Blizzard sent out a newsletter asking readers if they would consider buying a Sony PSP or Nintendo DS version of if Diablo II featuring wireless multiplayer. In the same news letter Blizzard asked readers if they would buy a DS version of the classic RTS game Starcraft.

(also via Evil Avatar)

Man, that last one made me break out in shivers when I read it. Portable, internet-enabled, Diablo-rific gaming heroin. I would pick that up again in a heartbeat.  ¶ 6:43 p.m. 0 comments

  Quote of the day

There’s nothing so smug-making as being an bemused observer at someone else’s marketing frenzy. It provides a good and nearly harmless wallow in your sense of detached superiority. --Robin D Laws

  ¶ 6:41 p.m. 0 comments

  Don't get me wrong
I love Alien Loves Predator. It's an awesome comic about a couple of dudes in New York that just happen to be portrayed as the totally awesome pair from the Paul Anderson masterpiece.

I also think the Fantastic Four are pretty awesome. While I haven't really followed the comic, nor seen the recent film, I dig the concept of a family of public superheroes, always saving the world. They have a very classic Marvel feel to them, and are pretty darn original to boot. Plus, the animated series from the mid-90s was awesome.

However, I find this recent Alien Loves Predator strip to be the most off-colour Fantastic Four joke I have ever read. I have not quite considered the power of interior decorating terms to be applied thusly, and think it's intensely funny. So much so that I will probably end up using it at some point. You are all forewarned.  ¶ 6:27 p.m. 0 comments

  Intended for D&D

However, this handy chart can easily be applied to other games, or even real life. Made me snort milk out my nose, only without the milk because I wasn't drinking any.   ¶ 9:22 p.m. 0 comments

  Rick Mercer is awesome.

That is all. (more here and here.)   ¶ 7:22 p.m. 0 comments

  (blink blink)
I have never stated that I am adept in social graces. I babble, make far too many jokes, say stupid things, and when I'm not doing any of that, I'm reticent to a fault. However, I do have some skills at relating to other people, which is clearly far, far, far more than this woman has.

Jean's husband went blind from an illness. She was wonderful in the situation. She always wore perfume since he couldn't see her. Arranged the house for his convenience. She read the paper to him every day and they did the puzzle together.

When he died, I knew she would be perfect for a male friend of mine who is also blind. She overreacted and said she would never go through that again. She had let her appearance go since he couldn't see her, and she liked to read the paper to herself.

But taking care of her husband brought out the best in her, and that is when people are really happy. So I invited my blind friend over to try Jean's home cooking. She is really a spectacular cook. I brought all the ingredients and then invited Jean over. When she arrived and found Zachary here, she said, "Oh, no" and walked out.

Check the link. It gets worse. Seriously, I don't know of anybody anywhere that has bungled a situation this badly.

Crazy woman that is inconsiderate of others' feelings and that does not think through situations fully, you just won yourself a medal.  ¶ 7:18 p.m. 0 comments

  Whoa.

Nature's being far too cool again.   ¶ 7:09 p.m. 0 comments

  Dag nabbit!
Young whippersnappers with their crazy toys. Back in my day, alls we had was a piece of felt! We'd put it on our heads and pretend it was something other than a piece of felt! AND WE LIKED IT!

(For additional comedy, feel to add comments about living in a van down by the river here.)  ¶ 7:08 p.m. 0 comments

  Trent Reznor + David Fincher = Asskicking
Only is one of the best music videos ever. Seriously, drop what you're doing and go watch it. Don't matter if you're a NIN fan, or a Fincher fan, this short filmamajiggy is seriously boss. As in, were it a person, you would go to it every week and ask for money, just because it's so cool.

Ok, so there's some hyperbole. My point still stands. Check it.  ¶ 7:47 p.m. 0 comments

  C'mon! Bananas can be funny too.

"Healthily good!" Ha HA! There is so much that is hilarious about this pic, I don't know where to begin. (Although, it was certainly not me that said that I do not like it.) (via Sivacracy)   ¶ 7:21 p.m. 0 comments

  In the case of People v. The Laws of Physics

The court finds the defendant innocent of all charges. It's not gravity's fault if it makes you hurt. (via BoingBoing)   ¶ 7:17 p.m. 0 comments

  Fire make it good

Once again, nature is pretty darn cool.   ¶ 7:08 p.m. 0 comments

  Sure, I could make a meal on 39 cents...
Louis, on the other hand, already has.

Starvin’ With Louis is the show that focuses on easy to cook recipes, money saving tips, and ways to live “on the cheap”. It is specifically designed for those college kids, filmmakers, web designers, band members and welfare recipients with absolutely no money.

Ramen + hot dog = hobo lo mein! Also, chocolate-covered ramen. Not even I am this creative with my food.

Seriously, for a DIY cooking show about how to make meals for spare change, it's pretty darn good. Worth a watch, if I do say so myself. (And I do.)  ¶ 8:18 p.m. 0 comments

  Run, you cows, RUN!

Yeah, you're reading that right. It's a comic entitled "Cow Puncher". Those poor cows...

Also present in the collection are Gangsters & Gun Molls comics, Fight Comics (go on, guess the genre!), Popular Teen-Agers Secrets Of Love (I think the secret is the hyphen) and Crime SuspenStories. No, I don't know what a Suspen is, or why they left out the space. The comics from the 1950s were weird.   ¶ 5:28 p.m. 0 comments

  Holy bajeebus!
Anne Maloney has uncovered the worst opening for a literary work. It shows up in a Robin Hood book, but would be equally unsuitable for anything, anywhere, ever.

Hagar told me once that when a man dies his whole life passes before him in a series of colored pictures. I wondered then how she knew, being herself not yet dead.

"We who bear the mark know many things, my youngling," she smiled.

I remember her face as she said that, and the sweet milky scent of her breast as she guided the nipple towards my mouth. So I could not have been more than two or three years old at the time, as children are usually weaned around that age in our part of the world.

I think my father must have come in then, for she shook her hair modestly over her shoulder and began to croon gently as if she had noticed nothing; but her eyes slanted toward the doorway and the nipple in my mouth grew hard.

Can you imagine opening a book and being greeted with that? Worse, can you imagine picking up an innocuous Robin Hood book to get the li'l tyke to get to sleep and blindly reading that abomination of the English language aloud? Holy bajeebus indeed!  ¶ 11:19 a.m. 0 comments

  Mitch Hedberg
I listened to Mitch Hedberg for the first time on the bus to work today. This leads me to think of many worse ways to get to work, because that guy is funny.

"I saw this wino the other day, and he was eating grapes. I said 'Dude, you have to wait!'"

His humor reminds me a lot of Seinfeld; it relies primarily on stating the obvious. Things like why ant farms don't farm things, that X is a seldom-used letter, and why you never have two easy payments of $19.95 with one complicated payment of $19.95. But while Seinfeld is all "Didja ever notice this? Didja ever notice that? What's the deal with stuff?", Mitch Hedberg just outs and says it. All his jokes are straight to the point and the longest ones are only ever 4-5 lines long, which makes for a very modular stand-up routine. The CD is just as funny played straight through as it is on shuffle, and if you didn't know otherwise, you probably wouldn't even tell the difference.

"I like to drink red wine. This girl asked me once if red wine gave me a headache. I said, 'Sure, eventually, but the first and middle parts are amazing!' I'm not going to give up on something because of what it does eventually. It's like getting an apple and going 'Whoa, stop! That's going to be a core eventually!'"

It's really too bad that Mitch died earlier this year. Like Bill Hicks, this guy was far too funny to go so early. I kind of feel bad that I'm only hearing about him now, when there's no new material to look forward to, but what he did give us is comedy gold, and I'm glad for it. Highly recommended.  ¶ 6:12 p.m. 0 comments

  Still more PSP cheesery
If you, like I, bought a PSP back in March, you might be disappointed by the lack of games for it. I still only have the two that I got at launch, with exactly one more game that I want to play available (Metal Gear Ac!d, which I am saving for fall term at school--gotta stay awake in lectures somehow!). Of those two games, I have really played neither with any depth for the past two to three months or so.

Fortunately, this is not to say that my PSP has not seen regular play. Thanks to it, I have watched many an hour of serial drama on my way to work. In short, I do not in any way feel that I have not gotten my money's worth out of my new console. While I do feel kind of lacking that I don't have a DS and can't partake in some of the games over there, it's the same kind of lack that I feel at not having any other console. Or a Porsche. (Speaking of those, there must have been some kind of convention when we were at Lake Louise last weekend--like 30 of those babies of all models and colors in the parking lot and me without my Slim Jim. Le sigh.)

However, as Tycho mentioned in a recent Penny Arcade, the PSP has a far brighter future ahead of it in the form of homebrew. It combines the best elements of a sparse PC, media player and console, and is capable of far more all put together. Just this morning I saw links to a drum machine program and a VNC client that are being developed for Sony's little wonder. It gives me shivers to think of what we might have in a few years.

(The good kind of shivers, by the way.) (Also, both links via MakeBlog)  ¶ 7:45 p.m. 0 comments

  Ok, so this is great
Item 1: The LARPers. Nerds dressing up in pseudo-medieval schwag, replete with iron-covered-with-foam swords and garbage-can-lid shields. They do this for hours at a time every Sunday in Mt. Royal Park, Montreal.

Item 2: The Zombies. Hipsters dressing up in rags and blood, replete with shuffling steps and moaning for braaaaaaaiiiiins. They did this once, mostly to make fun of the nerds in armor.

Hijinks ensue, with photographical proofs. From what I gather, the zombies won hands down (the nerds were clearly unprepared--caught off-guard and forgetful as to the location of their shotguns) and proceeded to celebrate their victory at a nearby McDonald's. Would have loved to have been there.  ¶ 7:45 p.m. 2 comments

  So this weekend was awesome
It's basically the North American All-Star Long Weekend of the Summer. Fourth of July, Canada Day, it's all good. I spent mine camping, the highlights of which I am sworn to secrecy to divulge. I can, however, allude to them in a series of clever titles, most of which will only have significance for those that were there...

• A Treatise On Humor At Six AM: How A Heavy Night Of Drinking Can Lead To A Comical Sprint Come Sun-Up
• The Ecology Of The Pile Of Shit That Sucks*
• Firelight + Eyebrows = DEVIL
• Kiefer Sutherland 101: Do The Perfect Jack Bauer
• Clever Tricks To Abuse Your Friends: How The Timing Of The End Of A Sociables Game Can Coincide With The Desperate Plea For A Bathroom Card To Much Delight (And Lapdances)
• Truth: Why Too Much Can Be A Bad Thing
• A Discussion Of The Caress: More Than A Touch, Less Than A Grope
• "Almost A Shitload", "She Knows Eeeeeeeverybody", And Other Fine Quotes
• A Study Of Gondolas And Agoraphobes
• In Which Ting Made Rules--Many, Many, MANY Rules
• Ink Pots: Not Ink, Barely Pots
• The Mighty Blue Box: The Shocking Story Of The Young Woman Who Packed EVERYTHING
• How To Fake Police Chatter On A CB Radio: 12 Tips To Sound Convincing!
• The Stunning Story Of Peter's Drive-In: Just How Many Fries Belong In A "Large"?
• The Axe Is A Truly Difficult Device To Master
• The Authoritative How-To On Being A Tall, Skinny, Fire-Obsessed, Axe-Wielding Lunatic
• The Patented RKB Method Of Neck-Stepping
• E-Coli For All: The Fool-Proof Method Of Not Dying To Burgers And Macaroni
• 85% Dead, And Other Tales Of Drunkenness
• Proof Of ESP: The Story Of The Green Bikini

And that was the weekend, in a nutshell. Obtuse? Of course--if I told you the whole story I would probably be hunted down and shot. Either way, the net result was Awesome.
-----------
* So named because it consisted entirely of shitty things. Things that suck.**

** Examples include: the pavilion that broke during setup; the chair whose frame snapped; the stool that collapsed; the not-fun-at-all geography quiZ cards; the Safeway that was too hot (metaphorical resident of the pile only); our neighbours that blasted out Guns 'N Roses and AC/DC all evening (also metaphorical residents); the too-muddy shower stall. It goes on.  ¶ 7:09 p.m. 0 comments

  Narbonic

I have many different favorite comics, for various different reasons. I like the tangy cynicism from Penny Arcade, with it's dash of non-sequitur for flavour. I like the colourful lunacy of Wigu and Overcompensating. I like the quirky hipster vibes of Questionable Content. I like the inky blackness of Something Positive's sense of humor. Until now, Sluggy has filled the void when it comes to good old fashioned story, but lately it's been in a bit of a slump. I fear not, however, for I have found another.

The strip is about a mad scientist, Helen B. Narbon, her evil intern, Mell, and her henchman, Dave. It involves gerbils, death rays, moon bases, mad science conventions, intrigue and romance. The plot twists and turns, leaving tantalizing loose ends scattered about that eventually get resolved. The strips have innumerable references to sci-fi and comicry from all over the past century or two (yeah, that's a lot!). Narbonic has immaculate pacing, on the level of each strip, at the level of the current story arc, and as a multi-year saga. The characters are unique, expressive and distinctive, and above all, the whole kitten-caboodle remains constantly funny, touching and sympathetic. I'm addicted hook, line and sinker.

Eric Burns drank the Kool-Aid way before I have, and has talked about Narbonic much more. I've never read anything but glowing praise for the strip, and he's basically right about it all the time. Shaenon Garrity is producing one of the finest runs of serial fiction I have ever read, and ranks right up with the best of the medium. I whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone who likes awesome things.

I suppose it's purely fitting that I haven't bothered to mention this until Modern Tales' free access to the archives has run out, and I spent all of Sunday afternoon desperately cramming this strip down, racing to get caught up. (See, the strip of the day is free, but the archives need an MT subscription. I suspect I will get one the first time I miss a strip.) The only negative I have about Narbonic is that I wasn't reading it daily from the beginning, and all the impact of the strip's pivotal moments were lessened by my breakneck reading. I hope it continues for a long time to come, because I will be there, every day.

Narbonic: An example of creating brand new stratospheres of awesomeness.   ¶ 7:08 p.m. 0 comments