Tuesday, July 05, 2005
So this weekend was awesome
It's basically the North American All-Star Long Weekend of the Summer. Fourth of July, Canada Day, it's all good. I spent mine camping, the highlights of which I am sworn to secrecy to divulge. I can, however, allude to them in a series of clever titles, most of which will only have significance for those that were there...
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* So named because it consisted entirely of shitty things. Things that suck.**
** Examples include: the pavilion that broke during setup; the chair whose frame snapped; the stool that collapsed; the not-fun-at-all geography quiZ cards; the Safeway that was too hot (metaphorical resident of the pile only); our neighbours that blasted out Guns 'N Roses and AC/DC all evening (also metaphorical residents); the too-muddy shower stall. It goes on. ¶ 7:09 p.m.
It's basically the North American All-Star Long Weekend of the Summer. Fourth of July, Canada Day, it's all good. I spent mine camping, the highlights of which I am sworn to secrecy to divulge. I can, however, allude to them in a series of clever titles, most of which will only have significance for those that were there...
- A Treatise On Humor At Six AM: How A Heavy Night Of Drinking Can Lead To A Comical Sprint Come Sun-Up
- The Ecology Of The Pile Of Shit That Sucks*
- Firelight + Eyebrows = DEVIL
- Kiefer Sutherland 101: Do The Perfect Jack Bauer
- Clever Tricks To Abuse Your Friends: How The Timing Of The End Of A Sociables Game Can Coincide With The Desperate Plea For A Bathroom Card To Much Delight (And Lapdances)
- Truth: Why Too Much Can Be A Bad Thing
- A Discussion Of The Caress: More Than A Touch, Less Than A Grope
- "Almost A Shitload", "She Knows Eeeeeeeverybody", And Other Fine Quotes
- A Study Of Gondolas And Agoraphobes
- In Which Ting Made Rules--Many, Many, MANY Rules
- Ink Pots: Not Ink, Barely Pots
- The Mighty Blue Box: The Shocking Story Of The Young Woman Who Packed EVERYTHING
- How To Fake Police Chatter On A CB Radio: 12 Tips To Sound Convincing!
- The Stunning Story Of Peter's Drive-In: Just How Many Fries Belong In A "Large"?
- The Axe Is A Truly Difficult Device To Master
- The Authoritative How-To On Being A Tall, Skinny, Fire-Obsessed, Axe-Wielding Lunatic
- The Patented RKB Method Of Neck-Stepping
- E-Coli For All: The Fool-Proof Method Of Not Dying To Burgers And Macaroni
- 85% Dead, And Other Tales Of Drunkenness
- Proof Of ESP: The Story Of The Green Bikini
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* So named because it consisted entirely of shitty things. Things that suck.**
** Examples include: the pavilion that broke during setup; the chair whose frame snapped; the stool that collapsed; the not-fun-at-all geography quiZ cards; the Safeway that was too hot (metaphorical resident of the pile only); our neighbours that blasted out Guns 'N Roses and AC/DC all evening (also metaphorical residents); the too-muddy shower stall. It goes on. ¶ 7:09 p.m.
