From the depths of Bell I stab at thee!
Er, Bell-Sympatico that is. They're my ISP that keeps going down lately, most recently being last night, hence the lack of update. I sent off an email about it at work today, but when I got home I think I found the problem. Turned out to be (well, possibly be, since I'm not sure yet) a dodgy phone jack. So now whenever my connection fails I need to try jiggling the plug or something. It seems so tritefully analog. On the plus side though, I may have mail going again, since I did receive both my phone bill and new credit card this afternoon. Now I can spend to my heart's content, while earning grocery points the whole time! Hurray for food!

Stuff I was going to write about but couldn't
So my ideas that I jotted down and was planning on writing about were as follows:

- i feel stupid
- american idol is crap
- legal dark age
- the specials

The stupid remark is actually a direct result of the source of the second remark, being American Idol. I was watching Corner Gas, and Idol comes on after that, so I figured why not watch an episode. Up until then, I had not actually seen a full show, and figured I'd at least see what it was about before casting my scalding judgement upon it. Now I wish I hadn't. 10 minutes in and the smart part of my brain had hijacked the whole works and made me turn it off. See, when a show starts looping around from good to bad to so bad that it's good, to so bad that it's wildly successful, it tends to make fun of itself. The Simpsons did the same thing. See, in the beginning, the very beginning, on the Tracey Ullman show, they sucked. The animation was poor, and the humor was crap. Then it got syndicated and it got worse, to the point where they were good again. Really good in fact, and they stayed that way for a while, wavering slightly in quality but staying quite funny, until about the 13th season or so where they peaked in quality. Then the show kept getting worse to the point where they made fun of themselves, and now the show isn't very good at all. It has thrice-looped to bad again. Idol on the other hand, started right at the "so crappy it's incredibly popular" point, and has only gotten worse. I tried watching The Simple Life a while ago and had a similar experience.

See, the bit I saw had Paris and Nicole putting milk in bottles. They lost a bunch of milk from their own incompetence, and tried to fill the difference in the bottles with hose water. Then I blacked out for a while because my brain revolted and spared me the horror of the rest of the show. When I came to, the TV was off, but the damage had been done. I think I lost about 15 IQ points that evening. With Idol last night, it wasn't as bad, but still intense. When the host tried to do a voiceover to the recap of the previous episode, making fun of Simon the whole time, I struggled to raise the necessary intelligence to change channels. I rolled through a bit later against my better judgement and caught a sound bite of the host saying "the 10 minute results show we stretched into an hour special" and nearly lost my sanity. To admit that the show is crap on national TV, yet still pull in the ratings to warrant several sequels is too much. Safe to say, I don't think I'll tune in again. Ever. Well, perhaps when they don't take themselves seriously, like at the beginning, since I think that's the biggest issue with the show. Everyone talks about having their dreams made or broken and launching a wildly successful career in music doing what they love, but the whole thing is essentially a glorified kareoke contest, and I can usually go hear just as talented people down at the pub on Thursdays. You know what happened to the previous idols, with all their fame and fortune and wildly successful music careers? Yeah, me neither.

To finish up with the remarks I kind of ranted over, the "legal dark age" was going to be the start of a bit on how the legal system really needs to get with the times. I didn't bother thinking it through and don't think I will, but it basically amounted to how the legal system needs to get their proverbial heads out of their asses and wake up. The world is changing, and the law needs to progress to reflect that. You know emails and chatting and websites and all that funky online stuff the kids are on about these days? None of that's legally binding unless it's on paper. You can't keep legal records in a database and transfer it between law firms like you can the warranty on your car. No, everything needs to be printed off and filed in hardcopy somewhere. I can totally understand the need for security, given the highly volatile nature of electronic data, how it can change in a nanosecond with the slightest cyber-breeze, but we can work around it. New laws can be drafted. Old laws can be updated. We can make it better, faster, stronger. We have the technology.

Well, at least I hope so. And if not, I think we can get to that point shortly, but only if we stop suing each other long enough to do so. And by we, I was hoping to say just Americans, but I heard today that Canadians are starting to get as litigation-happy as the Yanks. Anyways, look at that, I said I wasn't going to talk but I did. Lastly, The Specials is a superhero movie not quite unlike Mystery Men that I really want to see. That's it. Not much more. Ok, move on.

Hey baby...
From defective yeti:

Best Dog-Park Pickup Line Ever

"They say that people look a lot like their pets. And you've got one fiiiine lookin' beagle."

Wanna go to Mars? Here's the next best thing. Full panoramic view from the Mars lander.

What do you get when you mix Cthulhu with a prostitute? Her! Very creepy, but still kind of cool statue. Wouldn't want her in my living room though. Conversation starters are one thing, but this is a bit too far.

Also, pray that you don't become a zombie when you die. It happens, I hear.

Now go away.  ¶ 3:51 p.m.