Yes, [evolution] can be measured in the laboratory. Shut up.
Yes, there is fossil evidence. Shut up.
No, no one claims we evolved from present-day apes. Shut up.
And yes, it's just a theory. And so is that whole "the Earth orbits the Sun" thing. Time out to look up the scientific definition of the word "theory," okay? Go on. I'll wait here.
Got it? All done?
Good. Shut up.
The article didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but I don't think it was written for me. It was written for the 44 percent of Americans who, through force of will, misinformation, or simple ignorance, don't actually understand evolution, or refuse to understand it. It's for the special class.
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