So Star Wars has been and gone
Whatever it was, and whatever it might still be, one can argue that Star Wars is finished now, for all intents and purposes. If you haven't seen Episode III by now, you are likely not a fan of Star Wars, and if you do go see it, it will likely because it's the least sucky film playing at the moment, or because you just feel like you should yet don't really care either way.

Now that we have finished the 30-year journey across probably 11 hours of cinema, we can look back and reflect on Star Wars as a whole. (Expanded Universe notwithstanding--you know, all the books and stuff that got extruded out of the Lucas Machine ever since 1977? Yeah, there are people who take it all seriously and it's been evolved into this massive, uber-continuity where lonely nerds go to great lengths to make sure all the causality is reinforced and that you don't wind up with things like Luke's uncle and aunt not recognizing R2 and C3P0 in New Hope when they clearly knew about them in Clones. Wait a second... For more about continuity, go HERE!)

But I both digress and perpetuate negative stereotypes at the same time. With all the hubbub about the "new" trilogy being complete, I thought it would be neat to go back and see the "original" trilogy and see if it really was all that. I haven't seen them in many years, after all.

Then I realized I had other things to do. Like make my way through Firefly and Samurai Jack Season 2, both of which kick your ass. Still the idea has merit, and after reading the review of Sith from the guy who made Parking Lot, I just might go ahead. Through that, I found the 50 Reasons Why Return Of The Jedi Sucks.

Go read it. I dare you. ESPECIALLY if you think that RotJ wasn't that bad, because those 50 reasons are all valid, although only for the original versions. Give the guy a break, he wrote it five years ago.

16. Unforgivable Dialogue
Threepio approaching Jabba's palace: "I have a bad feeling about this."

Han Solo, when confronted by Ewoks: "I have a bad feeling about this."

Leia, after releasing Solo from carbon freeze: "I gotta get you outta here."

Leia, after being freed from Jabba's chains: "We gotta get outta here."

Leia, after she and an Ewok are ambushed on Endor: "Let's get outta here."

With dialogue like this, it seems Lucas finally put that "million monkeys at a million typewriters" theory to the test.

Or,

5. Painful Lack of Innovation
When it comes to scavenging, Lucas could teach even the Jawas a thing or two. Jedi borrows from Wars on levels ranging from conceptual to minute. There's another opening scene with a Star Destroyer (though this time it isn't even permitted to finish its awesome crawl across the top of the screen). There's another Imperial stronghold to infiltrate, and another energy beam to turn off. And of course, there's another Death Star to blow up for the film's climax (though at least the Emperor had enough brains to plug up that pesky exhaust port).

Most of the creatures and droids seen on Tatooine in Wars make background appearances in Jabba's court-even Greedo's alive and well! (Okay, maybe it's a different Rodian. They all look the same to us.) Finally, little thought seems to have been given to developing or maturing any of the main characters in a realistic manner. Han and Threepio suffer most, coming across as catchphrase-spouting caricatures of their previous selves.

One can make the same lack of innovation comment about the sets and locations, as is mentioned in reason #8. In short, he's right.

Granted, some of these were fixed with the Special Editions, such as the Rancor fuzz, but the Special Edition/Original Edition debate is just a whole other ball of wax.

With all this in mind, I think this weekend might be a nice time to go back and watch A New Hope and Empire. I may just skip Jedi though...

Oh, and what did I think of Episode III? Basically the same thing most people think: as a Star Wars movie, it wasn't bad and certainly tops the first two. As cinema in general however, I only offer this as an answer.  ¶ 7:30 p.m.