I'ma just start talking and see what happens (or, Yes my life is this dramatic)
I blew up my computer last night. It wasn't dramatic or anything, and ended up conclusively proving that my computer is indeed Jesus, but I blew up my PC nonetheless. I was downloading some new music from Allofmp3.com, because it is that good, and at the same time, really wanted to sleep (it was about 11:30 at this point, and I need to go to bed early due to this accursed job-thing I have during the day). I gave Winamp specific orders to play some Pink Floyd, and then shut down the computer when it was done. One rendition of Pigs later, and the song started over, since according to Winamp, shuffle play with but one song to shuffle is equivalent to repeat. Somewhat miffed at this disobedience, I hauled my tired ass out of bed and leaned over to assert my authority again. This time, Winamp, you will play Echoes and then SHUT DOWN. 23 minutes and 12 seconds later, the song (which ended up being mostly inaudible due to a resurgence of street noise through the jar, which had it been closed could have been called a window) finishes and... nothing. Winamp is clearly displeased with something, or perhaps Windows is acting up again, as it is sometimes wont to do. This is the final straw, says I, and once again I accomplish the Herculean task of leaving the cozy bed to turn off the computer the old fashioned way. This would be so much easier if it would just do what it's told. Things being dark (monitors are especially harsh when your eyes are adjusted for low light), I bypass the "soft" method of shutting down and aim straight for the cyclopean power button on the face of the box.

Fst.
Pkk.
Shit.

The "fst" came from my finger. Duvets, it seems, are rather staticky, and computers don't like that. My computer in particular expressed it's disapproval by emitting a familiar popping noise from the speakers as it totally crashes, expressed here as "pkk". My system, intimately violated by this miniature ball lightning and committing ritual seppuku, caused me to mutter the "shit" over and over again, knowing I have managed to inadvertently fuck things up royally. In a last-ditch attempt at digital CPR, I tried powering my PC back up, only to be greeted with the always-welcome fan + lights combination. Nothing on the monitor, no hard drive activity, just the fan and a few lights glowing uninterrupted from various points within and without my computer. This is the equivalent of a brain dead computer, and any techie will tell you it is a bad thing. A very bad thing indeed.

If you're not a techie, I'll try to fill you in a bit. A computer is just a collection of circuits - it can't think for itself, and therefore when you turn it on, something needs to tell it how to get going until you can take over. The motherboard, which holds the processor, has a built-in mini-operating system that does just that, called the Basic Input/Output System, or BIOS*. The BIOS gets things moving, and eventually looks to the hard drive for a new program to take the reins, which in most cases is Windows. The instructions for the BIOS are stored in memory on the motherboard but live there rather tentatively - with the right touch, one can evict them. Rustling around under a big fabric bag filled with goose feathers tends to give one that touch, which when you think about it, is kind of like superpowers. (The difference is that superpowers tend to stick around after their first use and they tend to be a lot more showy and dramatic.)

Needless to say, I spent the night feeling a little like I had killed Old Yeller. The best I could do was form a mental model of my computer all charged up with power, and to turn off my power bar in the hopes that it would calm down in the morning. If, like I mentioned above, I had managed to erase my computer's brain, who knows what else would have happened? I came up with many rationalizations as to why the hard drives were OK, because believe me, the hard drives were OKAY. There is NO WAY that my music is going to get harmed because of a little static. My music and my pictures are quite possibly the only things on my computer that I am the slightest bit concerned about**, and of those two, the music is by far the more critical of the two. Pictures are just memories, and I keep those in my brain, but music! If my music were to vanish, I think I would just start with the destruction. Things would get smashed and destroyed, in no particular pattern, until I felt better, and I couldn't say when that would be. There was but one thing that gave me hope, and that was a solitary green LED on the inside of my computer that didn't turn off when everything else died, and only yielded to the darkness when I turned off all power from the bar switch. I don't know what you're there for, Little Green LED, but you gave me hope when there wasn't very much going around.

This morning, in an effort of sheer desperation and hope, I tried to get my computer to talk to me. Powering on the power bar had its expected anti-climatic no effect, aside from the monitor and speakers coming on. Thanks monitor, you are totally not the one I'm worried about. You're built like a tank, and you could probably kill me if I took you apart. No worries from you. It was with some trepidation, therefore that I pressed the Big Ol' Power Button (Of Doom!***) and promptly felt my heart skip a beat. Not only did the lights turn on, and not only did the fan turn on, but they did other things! The lights blinked! The hard drive chittered! The internal PC speaker went beep! Magically, by some arcane process that I don't/need to/want to understand, my computer came back from the dead, just like Jesus, (maybe Spider-man even pulled back the rock) and is just as hardy as she ever was. Nothing needs to get broken, nobody needs to be hurt, all is well.

To be continued in part two.

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* In his novel Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson referenced BIOS as standing for Built-In Operating System. I, like he, think that is a much better acronym, but alas, history says otherwise.

** Seriously, there really isn't anything else that I couldn't stand losing. My email address book and internet bookmarks are nice, but they aren't anything I couldn't summon from my head if need be. All the programs I have can be gotten from the internet, since with possibly the exception of three or four, they're all available over the internet for free. (Of those that aren't, two are games for which I have the CD and all my game data is stored server-side.)

*** If anything needs to have the Of Doom! label now, it's this button. After the scare it gave me, it deserves it.  ¶ 9:09 a.m.