Friday, January 07, 2005
E! Piff! Ah! Nee!
So yes, I've been rather silent here. There are many reasons for this, largely the fact that my computer is in a cardboard box and is rather not plugged in, but that's incidental. I'll be back blogging soon and the three of you that are still waiting in vain for me to bring you something screwed up from the far corners of the Internet can just keep waiting. So sorry, but seriously, I've hit one something important here.
Let me illustrate the scene here for you: my parents' computer is, when you ignore all those important "in the case" parts, much cooler than mine. They have a wireless keyboard, a precise wireless mouse and an LCD monitor. I have none of these. The closest I come is my Intellimouse Explorer, but as certain people I know will tell you in a heartbeat, those are crap. I know this, and I've accepted it. What matters in a PC is not the keyboard, and it is not the monitor. Those let you interact, yes, but they are not power in the same sense that a video card capable of programmatically generating music, lighting and textures is. I've seen this run on lesser, more inferior computers, and my computer can handle that program, and it is cool. Not shark-jump cool, but the good cool.
However, the interaction is not to be downplayed. In the same room as my parents' computer, there is a green chair. This chair is big. This chair is comfy. This chair reclines. The combination of this chair, plus the lack of tails on both mice and keyboard was just too enticing for me to pass up, and I don't think I can work at a computer the same way again.
There is but one hangup, and that is the display. Yes, LCD monitors are nice on the eyes, and they are pretty and slim and sleek and sexy and all that fun stuff. They are not, however, large, and that is the important part. If you want large, you need to get a bigger screen, which in turn requires one of three things.
Thing the first is just a big 'ol goddamn CRT tank. The 17" and 19" behemoths are nothing compared to the leviathans that are 24" CRT monitors. Having a desk made out of rock or metal is not quite my cup of tea though, so I veto this option, and I veto it good.
Thing the second is a TV, by virtue of the magic of TV-out. My computer can do it, but the loss of resolution and general lack of TV in my room make this slightly inhibitive. I have no problem saving up to buy a killer screen for my DVDs, PS2 and PC all, but I think my thinking will become clear quite soon. In the next paragraph even.
Thing the third is a display of pure light. None of this corporeal display bullshit -- just beams of photons, shot forth from the great eye of the projector onto the virgin white wall, ready to be covered with the grandeur of the Lord of the Rings, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas or even Windows XP. Just waiting to soak it all up. Yes, I have seen the potential of having one of those fancy-dancy digi-projectors you may see at school or at work mounted on the ceiling in your own home, and we wants it, my precious, we wants it. It is the final ingredient, and now that I have tasted the joy of surfing the net from a big overstuffed recliner kicked back in the Slack-Ass Position, wiggling an optical mouse on the arm, keyboard tip-tapping happily away on my lap, and I want more.
The more is the projected screen, and it will be mine. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow*. Maybe not even next year. But someday. Someday, I will have it, and the world will know fear.
Or perhaps that was just some bad fish it had for lunch the other day. Who can tell with them anyways?
(To sum up, for those that skipped to the end: Recliner == good. Wireless == good. Big screen == good. Let X be the end product of tying those three up with Internet.
X == orgasmically good. And not just because the Internet is 90% naked ladies.)
* Tomorrow, incidentally, is either "Andrew gets to electrocute himself wiring the house so's he can get Internet in his room" Day, or "Andrew gets to drive himself bonkers trying to set up a wireless network in the house so's he can get Internet in his room" Day. One might even get the impression that I would like to get the Internet in my room. Funny, that.
Oh, one final thing: Pre-shrunk is quite possibly the best blog of this year. I think there might be one shirt I don't want. Also, you can have a gold star if you can guess the shirt I want the most!
¶ 9:29 p.m.
So yes, I've been rather silent here. There are many reasons for this, largely the fact that my computer is in a cardboard box and is rather not plugged in, but that's incidental. I'll be back blogging soon and the three of you that are still waiting in vain for me to bring you something screwed up from the far corners of the Internet can just keep waiting. So sorry, but seriously, I've hit one something important here.
Let me illustrate the scene here for you: my parents' computer is, when you ignore all those important "in the case" parts, much cooler than mine. They have a wireless keyboard, a precise wireless mouse and an LCD monitor. I have none of these. The closest I come is my Intellimouse Explorer, but as certain people I know will tell you in a heartbeat, those are crap. I know this, and I've accepted it. What matters in a PC is not the keyboard, and it is not the monitor. Those let you interact, yes, but they are not power in the same sense that a video card capable of programmatically generating music, lighting and textures is. I've seen this run on lesser, more inferior computers, and my computer can handle that program, and it is cool. Not shark-jump cool, but the good cool.
However, the interaction is not to be downplayed. In the same room as my parents' computer, there is a green chair. This chair is big. This chair is comfy. This chair reclines. The combination of this chair, plus the lack of tails on both mice and keyboard was just too enticing for me to pass up, and I don't think I can work at a computer the same way again.
There is but one hangup, and that is the display. Yes, LCD monitors are nice on the eyes, and they are pretty and slim and sleek and sexy and all that fun stuff. They are not, however, large, and that is the important part. If you want large, you need to get a bigger screen, which in turn requires one of three things.
Thing the first is just a big 'ol goddamn CRT tank. The 17" and 19" behemoths are nothing compared to the leviathans that are 24" CRT monitors. Having a desk made out of rock or metal is not quite my cup of tea though, so I veto this option, and I veto it good.
Thing the second is a TV, by virtue of the magic of TV-out. My computer can do it, but the loss of resolution and general lack of TV in my room make this slightly inhibitive. I have no problem saving up to buy a killer screen for my DVDs, PS2 and PC all, but I think my thinking will become clear quite soon. In the next paragraph even.
Thing the third is a display of pure light. None of this corporeal display bullshit -- just beams of photons, shot forth from the great eye of the projector onto the virgin white wall, ready to be covered with the grandeur of the Lord of the Rings, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas or even Windows XP. Just waiting to soak it all up. Yes, I have seen the potential of having one of those fancy-dancy digi-projectors you may see at school or at work mounted on the ceiling in your own home, and we wants it, my precious, we wants it. It is the final ingredient, and now that I have tasted the joy of surfing the net from a big overstuffed recliner kicked back in the Slack-Ass Position, wiggling an optical mouse on the arm, keyboard tip-tapping happily away on my lap, and I want more.
The more is the projected screen, and it will be mine. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow*. Maybe not even next year. But someday. Someday, I will have it, and the world will know fear.
Or perhaps that was just some bad fish it had for lunch the other day. Who can tell with them anyways?
(To sum up, for those that skipped to the end: Recliner == good. Wireless == good. Big screen == good. Let X be the end product of tying those three up with Internet.
X == orgasmically good. And not just because the Internet is 90% naked ladies.)
* Tomorrow, incidentally, is either "Andrew gets to electrocute himself wiring the house so's he can get Internet in his room" Day, or "Andrew gets to drive himself bonkers trying to set up a wireless network in the house so's he can get Internet in his room" Day. One might even get the impression that I would like to get the Internet in my room. Funny, that.
Oh, one final thing: Pre-shrunk is quite possibly the best blog of this year. I think there might be one shirt I don't want. Also, you can have a gold star if you can guess the shirt I want the most!
¶ 9:29 p.m.
