Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Coffee vs. Tea
In a cage match, Coffee would win. Hands down, it's the more vicious of the two, and that's why it's a morning drink. You can argue with me if you like, Britain, but I say that drinking tea in the morning makes as much sense as putting a turn signal on a toaster. Sure, you can do it, by why?
It's not the caffeine. Coffee and tea both have caffeine in them, and they both wake you up. The difference, I think, is in how they do that. Coffee is like a drill sergeant or an angry rooster. Sure, it gets you up and semi-alert, but it does so by punching you in the face, tossing you into a cold shower and then screaming at you steadily and unrelentingly. Metaphorically, of course. The Tea situation, on the other hand, is much more like running a marathon against sleep. It forms the hallucination of a bed at the end of the tunnel, and implies that if you just pick yourself up and keep going, you can collapse when you get there. It is less of a "grab by the collar and haul" kind of getting up, and more of a "coax into action".
This is why I think that coffee is a morning drink. In the morning, you need someone to just pick you up and say, "Look son, you've had your comfy time in bed, but now the sun is up and the unpleasantness needs to occur. It's how the world works. I'm sorry, but it's for your own good." Then it starts with the hitting and the shouting. If you think that mornings are happy times full of bird songs and are wonderful things indeed, well then piss off, you probably don't drink coffee anyways. I know of only one person who does not fit into either of those categories, and he does not wake up so much as he scares the morning into submission.
Tea is an evening drink. Because of it's Coax Into Action powers, it's ideal for simply prolonging the evening. You're tired, and yes, you intend to go to bed eventually, but first there's this Deadmines run that just HAS to get finished, or perhaps just one more chapter of a good book that needs to be read. Tea just gently pulls you along so you can finish things up and retire. It's not about turning lights on, but dimming them before they go out altogether.
To conclude, with the ultimate non-sequitur in the most literal of definitions no less, Jeffery Rowland is still a mad, mad genius. I have no idea why I find today's Overcompensating so insanely hilarious, but it is. No, I'm not high, and no, it's not just because I like Weedmaster P. There's something else, something special. ¶ 3:20 p.m.
In a cage match, Coffee would win. Hands down, it's the more vicious of the two, and that's why it's a morning drink. You can argue with me if you like, Britain, but I say that drinking tea in the morning makes as much sense as putting a turn signal on a toaster. Sure, you can do it, by why?
It's not the caffeine. Coffee and tea both have caffeine in them, and they both wake you up. The difference, I think, is in how they do that. Coffee is like a drill sergeant or an angry rooster. Sure, it gets you up and semi-alert, but it does so by punching you in the face, tossing you into a cold shower and then screaming at you steadily and unrelentingly. Metaphorically, of course. The Tea situation, on the other hand, is much more like running a marathon against sleep. It forms the hallucination of a bed at the end of the tunnel, and implies that if you just pick yourself up and keep going, you can collapse when you get there. It is less of a "grab by the collar and haul" kind of getting up, and more of a "coax into action".
This is why I think that coffee is a morning drink. In the morning, you need someone to just pick you up and say, "Look son, you've had your comfy time in bed, but now the sun is up and the unpleasantness needs to occur. It's how the world works. I'm sorry, but it's for your own good." Then it starts with the hitting and the shouting. If you think that mornings are happy times full of bird songs and are wonderful things indeed, well then piss off, you probably don't drink coffee anyways. I know of only one person who does not fit into either of those categories, and he does not wake up so much as he scares the morning into submission.
Tea is an evening drink. Because of it's Coax Into Action powers, it's ideal for simply prolonging the evening. You're tired, and yes, you intend to go to bed eventually, but first there's this Deadmines run that just HAS to get finished, or perhaps just one more chapter of a good book that needs to be read. Tea just gently pulls you along so you can finish things up and retire. It's not about turning lights on, but dimming them before they go out altogether.
To conclude, with the ultimate non-sequitur in the most literal of definitions no less, Jeffery Rowland is still a mad, mad genius. I have no idea why I find today's Overcompensating so insanely hilarious, but it is. No, I'm not high, and no, it's not just because I like Weedmaster P. There's something else, something special. ¶ 3:20 p.m.
